the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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