oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
try to milk me bitch
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