good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
