i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
