I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
