it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
