I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
