I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...