I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?