So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.