Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize