david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.