I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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