Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
