My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
