woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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