...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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