She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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