I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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