Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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