I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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