chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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