hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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