you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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