this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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