great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
