He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
