also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
