the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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