did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
