I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
