dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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