dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
