ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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