He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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