I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
