Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
