the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
