I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
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I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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