Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
