This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
