i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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