I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
