So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
