just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
