Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
