THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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