They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
