I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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