It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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