The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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