I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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