THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
