hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
