he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
