omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
