Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
