How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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