Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
