wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
