She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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