hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
