The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
