Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
