you would pick up someone in the library
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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