my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
