Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
BRING THE BAGELS
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
