he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
