You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
