Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
