ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
