Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
How external is "for external use only"?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
